To You

I know you will never read this and even if you do, by some cosmic coincidence, stumble upon this entry, you will never realize it was that it this is meant for you. So, I guess it's ok to put here, in broad daylight even though I cannot talk to you anymore.

You brought so much love and happiness into my life at a time when I thought it could not exist any more. You showed me that there was still hope, still joy to be found. You taught me how to love again. How can I ever show you my gratitude for what you did for me? 

Somehow, somewhere though, there were mistakes made, judgements made, and a lot of wrong headedness by all involved. I have no idea how you are doing. I hope that you are having a much easier time of this than I am. These past three months have been the worst of my life, not having you around. Some days are ok, some days are not so ok, and then there are the days that - well, I just shouldn't get out of bed - but I do anyway and spend most of the day on the verge of tears.

I've never questioned myself about what happened. I've never asked myself "Was it worth it?" To me, every minute with you was worth all of the agony I've had to endure since then. I would gladly choose you again. You are that special to me, that important to my life now. I would have had it no other way.

I gave you a gift. You always have a choice. Sometimes, yes, there are no good choices, but there is always a choice. You choose. You choose who you love. I chose you. I know you did not choose me back, but that is ok. I can accept that. Sure, I wish it would have been a different choice. I still hope in my heart of hearts that someday you will choose me. I know it's a fools dream, but still I dream. I love you. Always have, Always will. I just hope that one day that you will choose to shine your light on me and bring me forth from the darkness in which my heart currently resides.

I used to wish you a goodnight wish every night when we still talked. I miss that. I miss waking up with your name on my lips. I miss the sparkle in your eyes when we shared a common joke or the way you would growl when I teased you. I miss you. So, let me wish you a goodnight as once I did...

Know that while the sun sets and the light fades from the sky; that while darkness covers the land and your fears take shape, that it is only temporary. The darkness shall pass and the sun rise once more to chase away your fears and to warm your skin. Yet, while the darkness persists, do not fear. You are not alone and someone thinks of you. Let the stars be your light and perhaps, as you gaze at them at night, someone else is watching them too and thinking of you. And should there be tears in your eyes tonight, should there be sorry in your heart, hold onto this thought: you are loved and I am thinking of you. I will never forget you. I will always be there for you should you need me. You have only to call my name and no matter the distance, no matter the cost - I will come to your side. So, sleep, my Love. I will guard your dreams tonight.