Special Delivery

Over the last year or two I have been working on this theory that life would be more pleasant if I took charge of one key thing: “Actively choosing who else belongs in mine and to what degree.”

People I need less of: anyone who is a drama llama, negative, controlling, manipulative, too rigid about how I should “be”, refuses to own his/her own shit, is non-communicative and withholding, judgmental, or is just plain mean. Mean people suck.

People I need more of: the opposite.

I have been fairly ruthless about implementing this. Nobody gets a pass because of formal status such as “marriage” (to me or to a partner of mine), blood relationship (aka “family”) or longevity of connection.

If someone pisses me off and brings negative energy to my life, interaction has been eliminated or minimized to a level I can tolerate.

It’s funny because I can clearly see now that the last poly relationship I had didn’t work largely because his SO fell into the category of “people I won’t tolerate for reasons listed above”. And once I watched him make excuses for her behavior and give her pass after pass for it, it actually put *him* into the category of “people I won’t tolerate.”

And I think that I was actually the primary instigator of the big dramatic “her or me” choice he made. Because I made it fairly clear (I think) that I would not put up with her bullshit, or with his perpetual excuses for her bullshit.

Fascinating discovery, that.

It’s funny how people get so lost in the notion that romantic love can overcome anything… they can’t see when it’s making them miserable and that it’s a very poor strategy for having a happy life. 

So now that I’ve been actually putting words into action, and now that I’m coming out on the other side of the “cut” (so to speak), instead of clinging to the “all people suck” hermit strategy, I am spending time getting to know people who have good qualities and whose “way of being” fits in with mine. (They are actually out there. Gasp.)

Lo and behold, I have a happier, less stressful, less anxious life, and  new people to love.

If you broadcast that hate, manipulation, jealousy, suspicion, and a scarcity model of love are OK with you… That is exactly what you get more of.

If you broadcast that love, trust, transparency, integrity, joy, and abundance are OK with you… Holy shit, the Universe delivers it.

Funny how that works.

BUT… you actually have to walk your talk.

Otherwise?

“It don’t mean shit.”