Fetishes: History & Practice

A good basic working definition for sexual fetishism is when someone is aroused by an object or part of a body that is not normally considered a turn-on. If you get incredibly turned on by feet--which are not generally considered an erogenous zone--you are a foot fetishist. On the other hand, getting turned on by breasts is normal in our society and does not make you a fetishist. The exceptions to that would be if you cannot climax unless you're touching your breasts; or if you can only be turned on by an unusual type of breast (exceptionally large, unusually long, etc.).

But fetishism isnt just about sex. Fetishists experience an emotional, sometimes spiritual, response to their fetish object. Some feel at their most alive when in contact with the object of their sexual fascination. Some fetishists long to worship their fetish, and may even feel more psychically connected to their fetish objects than to other people. I compare sexual fetishes to the religious fetishes from whence they derive their name.

The word fetish originally comes from the Portuguese word, fetico, meaning "charm". Old World Portuguese explorers used it to describe the religious relics they found in tribal cultures. In its original anthropological context, a fetish was any religious artifact which tribal peoples believed had magical powers. It wasnt until the 19th century that "fetish" was used to describe objects that turned people on. When thinking about fetishes, its good to remember the history of the term because it helps to understand the metaphysical reality of fetishes. To the true foot fetishist, feet are more than feet--they are a key to emotional and erotic gratification.

Literally any part of a body can have appeal to a fetishist. A fetish for a body part is actually known as "partialism," while "fetish" more strictly refers to inanimate things, such as materials (e.g., rubber, latex, lace, fur) or objects (e.g., shoes, hats, gloves, veils, masks, underwear).

Most peoples fetishes are so mild people dont realize they have them. For example, you may love the smell of leather and its presence adds a touch of excitement to love-making. You wouldnt be clinically diagnosed as a fetishist, but you share that universal impulse to be aroused by something that isnt explicitly sexual. At the other extreme are fetishists who really cannot achieve peak sexual ecstasy unless their fetish object is present. For them, intimacy and relationships are genuinely difficult. The vast majority of fetishists fall in the middle: they have a strong fetish but can also have satisfying encounters without the fetish object present.

There is no hard data on how fetishes form. There have been some promising strides in brain research that may, one day, yield information but, for now, we depend on theories to explain it. Freudian and neo-Freudian analysts have suggested that fetishism is a result of sexual shame. At some early age, a child sees a sexual organ or act and feels so embarrassed, he fastens his eyes on something else (hair, feet, or garments), that later becomes his fetish. Others believe that there is a pivotal event in a fetishists life (usually in childhood) which permanently shapes his sexual identity. For example, a toddler sniffs a pair of feet while crawling and becomes permanently fixated on feet.

My theory is that fetishism is a universal impulse. Deep down, all humans have the potential to believe that objects possess magical powers or that material things represent emotional fulfillment. We may snicker when we hear about someone caught sniffing panties or wearing rubber, but think about the people (you may be one) who have collections of "stuff." Whether you collect pictures of Elvis or statues of dragons, it would be hard to put into words exactly why these things seem so cool to you. Yet you feel satisfaction knowing you have them and enjoy looking at them. Fetishists are the same way: only, in their case, they also get sexually aroused by their stuff. I believe that fetishists were born with a stronger impulse to fetishize things (just as some people are born with a stronger musical sense than others) and that this impulse may be galvanized by an early childhood contact with an object or body part that arouses them. That first contact probably occurs before the child is even conscious that the fetish object is sexual. For the child, it is more likely just something that comforts or fascinates them. In puberty, though, the child may become aware that contact with the object arouses them, or they find themselves fantasizing about the object when masturbating. By the time you are an adult, a fetish is firmly entrenched in your psychology. Its so much a part of your sexual identity that you would not be yourself without it.

There's no evidence that fetishes can be cured and lots of evidence that forcing a fetishist to renounce his needs leads to depression and worse. Fetishes can't be cured because they are not a disease. They are a quirky or extreme example of a common human behavior but they are not, in and of themselves, wrong or unhealthy. What does send fetishists into counseling, though, is the difficulty of growing up as a fetishist in a sex-negative world. As teens, fetishists usually hide their interests and feel awkward with members of the opposite sex. How do you tell a girl on a first date, "I'd love to smell your feet" when shes expecting a good night kiss? As adults, many fetishists marry partners who are unaware of their kink. This results in all kinds of problems that I regularly address in my counseling practice, including wives who feel betrayed because their husbands seem more interested in their fetish than in them.

A final word on fetishes. After nearly 5 years of exploring kink and fetishism, and writing about and interviewing hundreds of people, I can honestly say that one just NEVER knows how many variations exist. Every time I think I've compiled a comprehensive list of fetishes, someone emails me about some delightfully unusual new twist. So expect the unexpected when exploring the world of fetishes. I guarantee you will always be surprised.