Making Love vs Rough Sex

I realized something the other day; whenever people talk about sex they often use violent, aggressive and rough descriptions. Guys are usually the most guilty of this, but there are even a few women that fall into the same trap.

For example:

Hit it. Beat it up. Scrapin’. Blow ya back out. Bump & grind .Get all up in them guts. Hit the skinz (took it old school on y’all with that one). Knockin’ boots. Smack it up, flip it, rub it down. Wax that ass. Screw .Bumpin’ uglies. Pound it out. Break you off. Diggin’ out the nappy dugout. Tear it up. Smash. Stab up the meat. Poke.

The list goes on…

On the flipside, the list of non-violent descriptions of sex is much shorter. In fact, all I can think of right now is “making love.” Let’s be honest, how often do people actually “make” love these days? Most times, love has nothing to do with what is going down in that bedroom (couch, kitchen counter, balcony or shower) at that moment.

Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy a little headboard-bangin’-fuck-the-shit-out-of-you sex just as much as I enjoy those tender hold-me-close-and-let’s-cuddle intimate moments, but other than lovebirds and newlyweds, I doubt there’s much lovemaking going on in the wonderful world of single folks. It’s just a bunch of hittin’, scrapin’, diggin’, blowin’, breakin’, knockin’, bumpin’ and fuckin’. Call it what you want, but my thing is why do these descriptions have to be so violent?

I know it’s not something we think about often, but maybe we should. Some might say it’s a cultural thing where an aggressive society breeds aggressive language. Others could argue it’s just a way for one person to express their dominance over another. Whatever the case, the aforementioned words tend to put the men in the active position, while women are on the receiving end of the action. (No pun intended). Some women could care less and actually enjoy the rough talk, but there are a fair share of those conservative ladies that would take offense to anything that could be perceived as chauvinistic.

I remember having a conversation with my girlfriend a while back about this very concept and she decided to take a more active stance in her sex talk. Rather than have the guy doing all the scrapin’ and diggin’, she enjoyed “enveloping” her man. It was a slight turn of phrase that put her in the dominant position. Not sure if that term will ever catch on, but at least it adds some diversity to the mix. At the end of the day, though, just because you like getting fucked every once in a while doesn’t mean you have to use fucked up language.

Is there a difference between making love and just having sex? What phrases do you use to describe both? Which do you prefer and why? Are most of your descriptions for sex aggressive and violent or do you use more tender words? Can you think of any other phrases that I may have forgotten? Other than “making love” how else would you describe that more emotional kind of sex? Do you think that the terms most people use for sex are sexist and chauvinistic? Or do you not care as long as the person can back it up in the bedroom? Would you rather be made love to or fucked?

Speak your piece…