Three Little Words

“I love you.” Funny how those three little words take up so little space as you type them up and take up little space in your mouth as they pass to you lover’s ear. Those same three little words fill that same lover’s heart to overflowing when they read it or hear it from that special person.    There are different forms of love: 

• There is the love you feel when you look at a friend’s newborn child. Yes you love that child almost instantly but that love doesn’t compare to the love you have for your own newborn child. 
• There is the love you share for your siblings but even that love doesn’t compare to the love you feel for their children. It is almost as if someone took the love you had for your brother or sister and multiplied it ten fold and deposited it in your heart only for this child.
• There is the love that a daughter feels for her father. Well that love is nothing compared to the love that she feels for her husband on her wedding day.
• There is the love that one feels for a friend. That is sometimes the most beautiful and unforced love you can have. You have to love your siblings although you may not like them. You can’t choose any portion of your family but you can choose your friends. I have been abundantly blessed with friends. Recently I thought I had lost the most prominent friend in my life and it shattered me. The night that he approached me to discuss things with me was probably very close to the biggest relief I have ever experienced. No one can make me sigh but he can. 

  Love Dies and Love Changes:

• Sometimes love dies because either we didn’t foster it or it was simply not meant to be.
• A man/woman cheats on their spouse and kills the bond they have with that spouse.
• A family member disappoints us and hurts us to the point that you can’t be in the same room with them.
• You lose touch with a person for many years and then discovery when reuniting that the person has evolved and is no longer the person that you loved. 

  All of these are painful and are part of life. I am looking for a special kind of love that is pure and meant to be one that lasts forever. I don’t want the love of an everyday pop song. I want the love that long outlasts the popularity of a song!!! I want forever.

To You

I know you will never read this and even if you do, by some cosmic coincidence, stumble upon this entry, you will never realize it was that it this is meant for you. So, I guess it's ok to put here, in broad daylight even though I cannot talk to you anymore.

You brought so much love and happiness into my life at a time when I thought it could not exist any more. You showed me that there was still hope, still joy to be found. You taught me how to love again. How can I ever show you my gratitude for what you did for me? 

Somehow, somewhere though, there were mistakes made, judgements made, and a lot of wrong headedness by all involved. I have no idea how you are doing. I hope that you are having a much easier time of this than I am. These past three months have been the worst of my life, not having you around. Some days are ok, some days are not so ok, and then there are the days that - well, I just shouldn't get out of bed - but I do anyway and spend most of the day on the verge of tears.

I've never questioned myself about what happened. I've never asked myself "Was it worth it?" To me, every minute with you was worth all of the agony I've had to endure since then. I would gladly choose you again. You are that special to me, that important to my life now. I would have had it no other way.

I gave you a gift. You always have a choice. Sometimes, yes, there are no good choices, but there is always a choice. You choose. You choose who you love. I chose you. I know you did not choose me back, but that is ok. I can accept that. Sure, I wish it would have been a different choice. I still hope in my heart of hearts that someday you will choose me. I know it's a fools dream, but still I dream. I love you. Always have, Always will. I just hope that one day that you will choose to shine your light on me and bring me forth from the darkness in which my heart currently resides.

I used to wish you a goodnight wish every night when we still talked. I miss that. I miss waking up with your name on my lips. I miss the sparkle in your eyes when we shared a common joke or the way you would growl when I teased you. I miss you. So, let me wish you a goodnight as once I did...

Know that while the sun sets and the light fades from the sky; that while darkness covers the land and your fears take shape, that it is only temporary. The darkness shall pass and the sun rise once more to chase away your fears and to warm your skin. Yet, while the darkness persists, do not fear. You are not alone and someone thinks of you. Let the stars be your light and perhaps, as you gaze at them at night, someone else is watching them too and thinking of you. And should there be tears in your eyes tonight, should there be sorry in your heart, hold onto this thought: you are loved and I am thinking of you. I will never forget you. I will always be there for you should you need me. You have only to call my name and no matter the distance, no matter the cost - I will come to your side. So, sleep, my Love. I will guard your dreams tonight.

What I've Learned About Love Thus Far

1) Communicate- If someone is making you feel something, you should probably say something. It doesn’t happen often. So don’t waste something you crave so passionately. Let it be known.

2) Move forward – What would be the point of life to regress? To do something over again when you in your heart know how it ends.

3) Let go – Baby it’s time to let go. Move on. Set yourself free to find new love.

4) Love someone for who they are, not what you want them to be. Find someone who loves you for who you are, not what they want you to be.

5) Cry when it hurts – It’s okay to feel. It’s perfectly fine to be sad sometimes. You can’t be so strong all the time. You’re not a robot… as much as you want to be sometimes.

6) Don’t lower your standards- Keep them high, don’t settle for someone that doesn’t deserve you. When the right one comes along… the standards wont matter.

7) Be true to yourself- because really, it’s all we got in the end, right?

Thats all that I’ve come up with so far. I still have so much to learn.