For Nice Guys Who Get Walked on By Girls

This is written for all of the nice men who never can understand why women go for the guys who seem bad and they always wonder, "Why do women dump all over me and fall at bad men's feet?"..... I hope to give you some kind of clue by the end of this article. Know from the beginning that when I say things I am about to say, I have a difficult time communicating, and that I usually sound very roughneck about these things, but there truly is love behind what I am about to tell you. In this post, I mainly have the single young man in mind, and I am going to try to keep already married men out of the equation whenever possible, as in the near future, I plan to post my own thoughts about marriages for a man's perspective, as well as another geared more towards women, but that all will come later. There will be women who may take an honest look at women as a whole who will agree with me, and there will be those who will vehemently disagree, but know that I am violating some sacred code of women (yes, I am a traitor) by revealing these secrets to you. I also will be telling you these things with the average woman in mind- there are always individuals who are exceptions to the rule, and also extreme cases to which all or some of this may not apply due to cases of horrible abuse, etc. but I have found in my own observations of other women and my own experience as a woman that these things for the most part are pretty solid. I have seen and heard time and time again since puberty "nice" guys who always seem to get crapped on by women- and most of the time, it is by women who are halfway decent. The ones who don't get crapped on usually go unnoticed by women, and that is painful for them as well. To throw salt in those wounds, the same women will fall at the feet and cater to every whim of a "bad" guy and even go an extra mile and a half for him- even married men generally can see that their women tend to have more crushes on "bad guy" personas, like in movies, music artists, etc. It is often understood that we are attracted to this for the adventure, the raciness, the taboo, etc. but I think I have a different take on it..... Men are told constantly that we women want men who are more in tune emotionally and verbal about it like we are, we want sensitivity, and so on and so on. Men have been told this and much more for so many years and this sorta goes along with the shift in our societies and cultures where women have wanted for many years to come out from under the "dominance" of men. What we now have in many instances and areas of life is seemingly equality..... yet as christians, we know that men and women are not and can never be equal- we are equal in value, but we are designed differently, intended for different roles, and when the two are brought together, perfectly compliment one another. This is something in our cultures that is not celebrated but denied- we women have come a long way, baby...... but in part we have gone a long way into denial..... and have dragged men with us. I look around and I see that a lot of men are no longer kicking and screaming as they are dragged, but the older ones hang limp with their heads down as they are dragged, and the younger ones willfully are led from a young age, now that they are growing up being "taught" by society that in our equality they are the weaker vessel and because of that are accepting of it and accomodate it. In our struggles for equality (which was not totally a horrible thing I will add, but I have many thoughts on this that are better for another thread), the impact of modern-day feminism on our cultures even our worldview, we women have wickedly hog-tied men, stepped into their roles (even spiritually), and have reduced them to nothing more than emotionally sensitive, teary-eyed, girlie men with no backbones. Even in christian marriages, churches, and relationships, it's the woman who really wears the pants..... and it is to a point where that is not funny anymore. Why women love bad guys: It is said time and time again, with the influence of modern psychology, that we are attracted to these bad guys because of many of our abused pasts, how we were raised, etc. and I won't deny these things have a huge impact. I do believe, however, that even the nicest, well-raised and balanced, "good" christian women have even slight attractions to these types of men (especially in movies) if they are honest enough to admit it. You see, we women don't like abuse, we really don't generally. But the balance that men should have is almost gone. What attracts most of us to these bad ones is simple: we say we don't, but deep down inside, we love a man that we cannot push around. You cannot push around, hog-tie, or twist the "bad" ones up like a pretzel with your every whim...... and way deep down inside, we love that! What ends up happening though, is that they are bad, and we get abused mentally or even physically. Yet we have the tendency to keep going back for more. We deny it, we whimper, whine, manipulate, and even scream that we want a nice man, but deep down inside what we want is a strong man who has a Godly balance between sensitivity (only in doses), and strength. Someone we cannot push around and walk all over- someone who deserves our respect. We want a confident man, a man who clearly has his limits, his boundaries- and someone not afraid to tell us "Nope" when he should.... and not change his mind! A protector, a provider, a shield. Someone who we cannot manipulate, a man who stands firm on his foundation, a stronger vessel...... someone worthy of respect. Oh, that is too sexy, man!!! I may fight you from time to time to make sure you are still on your toes, but you can have me for life, dude! Why women do not like nice men. As a woman who in her single days, even as a teenager, chewed up and spat out many a nice guy, I really didn't mean to! And I felt badly afterward for crushing the guys..... my mother would ream me for letting him go and for hurting him! So did my friends! (But between you and me, they were doing the same thing!). I, like so many other girls and women, could not figure out at the time why I was just not interested or attracted..... the only thing I could say was, "He's just, well......too nice." I hadn't a clue at the time, but hindsight is always 20/20. Why, r00bz? Why did you do that?! BECAUSE. Because they let me. Because I could. Even the best, nicest, "good" christian girl will do the same usually, but maybe not as blatantly. Why, you ask? Go and ask Eve! We have this desire in us, as we were created to be the "weaker" vessel, and that part of us truly does, as I said in the previous section, love that "stronger" vessel. We want that. It's in us to yearn for that, I believe! We were made for that! But we have this other thingie, too........ this thing which will always tend to want to usurp that role designated for men as the head of us. We women are craftier and more cunning creatures with many emotions, whims, ideas, and desires. We need someone to offset that in a relationship..... and if you are not solid and strong enough for that task, we may like you, but we will not truly respect you. And we will run all over you..... even in the most subtle of ways. It's in our nature. Go check out how Eve did it. Boy was that a doozy! And check out how Adam let her get to him. Go find what happened to Sampson. Interesting stuff. And every single woman on the face of the earth, as good as they want to be, has the capacity to do the same, as we are all equally human. Even christian women fall into it to a lesser more subtle degree, even though they may not want to. That temptation is always there. After you become married, your seemingly good christian home behind closed doors can easily be that your wife can reduce you to nothing more than a spiritually impotent nincompoop, unworthy of respect. What we don't like in nice men. We can't look up to you, or respect you half of the time. You are our shoulder to cry on, our friend, and you cry too much yourself! We don't really want that! That is what we have girlfriends and prayer for, silly! That is why when we meet you, we 'just wanna be friends." Forget what women have told you..... we are the emotional ones, we don't need you to be, too! We wanna see your emotions and your humanity only in doses. We don't want some dude who is like a chick. As I said, that is why we hang out with girlfriends! We don't need a dude friends who try to give us guilt trips because they are hurt. Every time we turn around they are there like a lost puppy going, 'Why do you like him, anyway? I'd give you the world, and you just wanna be friends. Blah blah blah." We can't admire or look up to that. It is almost pathetic. Quit doing that. We can't look up to someone who is always throwing himself at our mercies. We want a MAN. Do you cry at the drop of a hat? Well, DON'T. We say we wanna see that emotional side of you, but what we really mean is we want a balance- we only want that in small doses. I have been with my own husband for 7 years, and in that time, I have witnessed him breaking down and crying maybe 4 or 5 times- and 2 of those were at the births of our children. It is nice to be able to say that I have seen him in his weakest of moments, and I have seen him break down because of tragic, stressful, and even painful happenings and I was there to help him get back up...... but I am glad it has only been a handful of times. There is nothing worse that a man who cries more than I do. I am a woman with crazy hormones and raging emotions- it is my job to cry whenever I feel like it. That is what chicks do. Not dudes. Do you send a chick's girlfriends to go talk to her cuz you really wanna go out with her, and the writing is on the wall that she is not interested, or maybe she WAS halfway interested until you started bugging? This tell us you are desperate. And you think this will make us desperate for you and attracted to you how? It is only annoying and ego-building to a woman. Stop doing that. This will keep you in the category, "Men who I only want to be friends with" forever. It boils down to this: "nice" men generally tend to show hypersensitivity and chick-like emotion, they use chick guilt trip tactics, they show no ability to ever take the reigns and have control over much, they are not confident, they are weak-kneed and let women tie them in knots with ease, they are easily swayed and strung along, and easily taken advantage of. They act in many ways like chicks, although they may have very macho tendencies. As I told you before, many a nice guy I chewed up and spat out and never could realize at the time why........ but I did meet my match finally. You may have your own opinion about my marriage- it is not perfect by any means, and is not a model by which I would base everything, but one thing that attracted me to my husband was that he never let me run all over him. I was not a christian at the time, and we knew each other through friends, and I knew a lot about him by hearing things. We met at a (salsa) nightclub where we both went every friday and saturday night. He asked me to dance with him all the time and I did..... and then at the right moment when he thought he had me I purposely danced with others to drive him crazy with jealousy......only it never worked. I knew he liked me..... but unlike other men, when I would get up and do things like that, he showed no shock, no jealousy, no nothing. He acted like nothing and went over to his friends and would be having a good old time. I mean living it up! I'd be gettin down on the dance floor and look over, and he wouldn't even be looking at me. He was having his own fun...... it drove me crazy and made me really brainstorm for ideas. At this point in my life I had become a straight PLAYAH..... only it was not working suddenly. I did all sorts of stuff, played all sorts of games with him, and only rarely did I get a glimpse and see that it was working- cuz it really was not working. After a few weeks of this, he must have gotten tired of my game, because I was out on the dance floor, and he was unmoved as usual, and I saw the unthinkable: I saw him not even notice me and walk over to a girl sitting at a table and start talking to her. I had never seen him talk to a girl! I panicked..... but I didn't show it, I still had my pokerface on as did he. Luckily, the girl didn't give him the time of day...... but that was not the point! He was UNMOVED. He had asked me out on dates and I turned him down, I was playing him, making him really wanna date me BAD before I went out with him finally..... yet he remained unmoved by it. This had always been my tactic, and had never failed before..... I panicked inside and questioned what I was doing wrong. So when I saw him talking to another chick, I panicked.... and I remained at his side the rest of the night and only danced with him (latinos have this thing where if you like one you gotta only dance with him while you are there- they don't like that openness of cuttin a rug with whomever like Americans do), and I agreed to go out with him. I kept pulling little things here and there, testing the waters, seeing how much I could get away with.... and.......NOTHING. He was unmoved. If I stood him up to drive him crazy, he go have fun. He would not let me get to him at all.... and it made me panic inside that I could not pull him on a string. Every day he would want to see me or come over, and showed a lot of interest, but he was unmoved by my tactics. When I'd confront him about it to get an emotional reaction from him, he'd play dumb. I was trying to see if he cared that I'd stood him up.... and he played dumb every time and acted like it was no biggie, that he had other things to do and had a blast doing them. He had such a good pokerface at the time, that I had no idea it made him furious inside when I played games and he was insane with jealousy- but he knew my game and wasn't going to let me get by with it. He showed self-confidence, a strength, someone who was unmoved by emotion and manipulation, someone who had a life that did not revolve around me and my every silly whim.... yet he still showed me that he was interested, I still saw a glimpse of that, it was a motivator, so as not to frustrate me. This went on for a few months..... and he came over almost every day, we would sit around and talk until 4 am. I dug stuff out of him, serious issues, like memories from childhood, secrets, stuff like that. Chicks like those kinds of talks...... but the key is, I dug it out of him. And he let me dig it out, he didn't offer it up. I enjoyed digging it out...... and he enjoyed letting me think I was really the one doing it. What it was, was that he was not pouring his heart out,opening himself up and offering himself up on a platter like a chick. He let me have it and see it in small doses...... all in moderation, guys. He never nagged, whined, cried, or anything that nice guys do......at the same time, he never turned it around on me and played me right back..... but he put a halt in my game every time and had one insanely good pokerface. I eventually began to (all unconsciously of course) decide I better begin to start respecting him as a man........... or he might very well be gone ad for some reason, I would be sorry. Now you can look at what we have been through in these 7 years and not be envious..... we have had serious problems at times. But I cannot deny that what I have just described to you was the right thing to do if he wanted to be with me and didn't want to get stepped on. I was a true playah playah, and he beat my game by seeming to not play it. As I said, I was a player at the time, but even the bestest, nicest, goody-two-shoes girl has the tendency to want to mess with a dude's head. Most of the time we don't even realize we are doing it..... so I gave you myself as an extreme example. But you know what I am talking about- you nice guys get mixed signals all the time. So take what I have said and think about it..... and learn what your role is in life with regards to women. It is given to you by God, and He can help you balance it out so as not to be abusive, and not to be a doormat that a woman can wipe her feet on. Go read about women and men in the bible..... check out how Jezebel used subtle woman tactics to turn her man into a spiritual wimp. What we really need is a strong man who will one day lead us and our families, not a man we can manipulate, walk on, and crush. Be the solid, man of strength that God intended for you to be. I promise you...... it will drive the honeys crazy!