Those That Got Away

Social media has allowed us to ‘get to know’ someone by scanning their profile for five minutes. We can quickly grasp political views, favorite bands, and writing proficiency. This is well and good for evaluating the people we meet as adults – we’re getting to know them for the first time and have low expectations to begin with. It’s the ingrained cynicism that comes along with growing up. It can be disappointing to learn that the hot guy you met at a bar is rooting for Michele Bachmann, but it’s not as soul-crushing as the realization that the girl who taught you how to double-dutch has become someone you wouldn’t meet for happy hour. Revisiting relationships that meant the world to us in our formative years is tempting, but it often affirms an idea that no one wants to fully commit to – the idea that people change – that we change. It scares us that we can feel such disdain or indifference toward someone we used to spend every waking hour with. It’s not just a testament to the other person becoming something else – it’s a testament to our own growth and development. We want to believe that we are concrete entities that are sound in our convictions and beliefs, that we’ve always been this way, and witnessing disparities where there used to be unbridled harmony can be unnerving. If you don’t lose a few people along the way, if every person you were fond of as a child is able to make a cameo appearance via Facebook, you run the risk of manipulating your memories. They’re no longer our first crush; they’re our first crush who is on his second child and first divorce. They’re no longer our middle school teacher; they’re our middle school teacher who types at an elementary school level. And these newly-minted impressions have the capacity to engulf our memories, they have the ability to burn them alive. I know my curiosity is unlikely to curb itself, but I’m glad that he’s unsearchable. If finding out what he’s up to involves combing through tagged photographs and scrutinizing status updates, if it means wanting to deny our moments and rejecting the way it felt to be in awe of someone, if it means reevaluating and weighing him against a digital composite of the man I met all those years ago, I don’t want it. I’m happy to keep my memories of him confined to a dive bar in Louisiana, where there was no virtual reality, just reality reality; a place where the light was always flattering.

Sugar Daddy Cookies

Calling all dudes! Here’s your chance to be a sugar daddy without tapping out your bank account. There’s no need to drop mortgage payments at clubs on bottle service, 10-course French dinners, or the shoe store. Instead steal their hearts and undergarments with your creativity and resourcefulness. Isn’t that why we Cook To Bang? I’m a sugar daddy that slangs sweet treats. Pass these out to one or all twelve of your sweetums. Each will be touched by your thoughtfulness and darling gesture. Who’s your daddy now, ladies? Ingredients (12 cookies) 1. 1 1/2 cups flour 2. 3/4 cups white sugar 3. 1/2 tsp baking soda 4. 1/2 tsp baking powder 5. 1 tsp vanilla extract 6. 1 egg 7. 1 stick butter @ room temperature 8. 3 strawberries Step 1 Preheat oven to 375°F/190°C. Sift together the flour, baking soda, and baking powder. Step 2 Cream together the sugar and butter. Mix in the egg and vanilla extract. Beat in the flour mixture into a sugar cookie batter. Step 3 Cut into the strawberry stems from both angles in a slight curve and slice the berries thinly to create fruity heart shapes. Grease your baking pan. Scoop out tablespoon-size cookie dough balls and lay out with enough space for them to grow. Place a strawberry slice onto each cookie. Throw in the oven and bake until the edges start to brown (approx 10 min). Remove from oven and allow to cool (approx 15 min).

What is a Daddy's Girl?

The term “daddy’s girl” can be interpreted in three distinct ways. The first is that a father (dad, papa) and daughter enjoy a secure, tight bond. The second is that a dad provides everything for his female child, especially when it comes to finances and material items. Third, the phrase can mean that a woman is sexually involved with someone. All three interpretations have some problems and benefits. Close Father-Daughter Relationship In the most general sense, the term “daddy’s girl” usually means that a girl is extremely close to her papa. In this context, the girl prefers her dad’s company over everyone else’s. She tries both to mimic and to please him. The closeness in the relationship, coupled with the daughter’s desire to please, implies that the father has a large amount of psychological control over his female child and that he has an unspoken ownership of her. The dad usually does not intend to gain this control or for the ownership to develop. In many cases, he might not even perceive that it is central to the relationship, as he typically is extremely kind to and protective of his daughter. Reliant Daughter Some people interpret “daddy’s girl” to mean a young female who relies on her father for everything. Some of this comes from the general meaning of the phrase, as the dads of these girls can go overboard in providing for their daughters in an effort to shelter them. The connotation here is negative, because even though it shows that the papa provides, it demonstrates that the girl isn’t independent and can’t take care of herself. It also has the connotation that she is privileged or entitled, incapable of relating to or feeling empathy for those who have less. Term of Endearment or Lover A more urban way to look at “daddy’s girl” is that it is a pet name or term of endearment. People sometimes use the phrase for a woman who has a sexual connection with someone. A man might say to his lover, “You know I love you, you’re daddy’s girl,” for example. This once again harkens back to the general interpretation of the phrase, the implications being that the man will protect and care for his partner, and that the relationship is tight. This version relates strongly to the Electra complex, which is a concept in psychology. The idea behind the Electra complex is that, subconsciously, a girl is attracted sexually to her dad. This attraction generates hostility toward the mother, or more generally, to anyone that might provide sexual competition. This concept, the female counterpart to the Oedipus complex, has its roots in the ancient Athenian tragedy by Sophocles, Oedipus Rex, in which the primary character, Oedipus, unwittingly kills his father and marries his mother. Problems When a girl and her dad are overly close, codependence can develop, meaning that both people in the relationship essentially cannot function without the other. This can affect the girl or father’s sense of self. The codependence also can create problems in other relationships. A dad might have issues with any man who tries to date his daughter, for instance, because he might feel like no one is good enough for her or can provide as he can. Similarly, when a female child reaches adulthood, she might not assert herself, especially among men, because she is used to being subversive to her papa. Another issue that sometimes comes up is that, as an adult, a daddy’s girl who has been given everything might become extremely spoiled and have trouble coping during times of hardship. She might not understand the meaning of earning one’s keep, and she might acquire debt from spending beyond her own means. If her papa “cuts her off” her financially, she might take it extremely personally, seeing his choice as evidence he no longer cares about her, even if he is trying to guide her toward self-sufficiency. Some individuals who support the notion of the Electra complex and the more urban translation of “daddy’s girl” believe that the phrase promotes an unhealthy acceptance of incest, leading to sexual fantasies or behaviors that society might not view positively. Others feel the term promotes the submission of women, reducing them to sexual playthings. The concept of a woman being owned by anyone, father or not, is highly offensive to many people. Benefits A major benefit of a father doting on his female child is that she never has to doubt that someone cares about her. This can make her more confident overall. She might take an example from how her papa has treated her, demanding that any boyfriend she has gives her the kindness she honestly deserves. Sometimes a girl who has everything provided by her papa acquires a very fine sense of taste. She comes to appreciate items of high quality and good craftsmanship. This is easily applied to careers such as interior design or appraisal. These types of girls also might have a sincere desire for others to have items that are nice. Rather than looking down on others, they might work for charities or other organizations that promote more equality in society. Advocates of using “daddy’s girl” with sexual connotations point out that everyone has different sexual preferences. They assert that the phrase expresses love and that, even in a dominant-submissive or master-slave relationship, the submissive partner trusts that her partner will not hurt her. It is that trust that promotes sexual arousal and release. To prohibit the use of the phrase therefore is to deny sexual gratification and closeness to some degree.

For Nice Guys Who Get Walked on By Girls

This is written for all of the nice men who never can understand why women go for the guys who seem bad and they always wonder, "Why do women dump all over me and fall at bad men's feet?"..... I hope to give you some kind of clue by the end of this article. Know from the beginning that when I say things I am about to say, I have a difficult time communicating, and that I usually sound very roughneck about these things, but there truly is love behind what I am about to tell you. In this post, I mainly have the single young man in mind, and I am going to try to keep already married men out of the equation whenever possible, as in the near future, I plan to post my own thoughts about marriages for a man's perspective, as well as another geared more towards women, but that all will come later. There will be women who may take an honest look at women as a whole who will agree with me, and there will be those who will vehemently disagree, but know that I am violating some sacred code of women (yes, I am a traitor) by revealing these secrets to you. I also will be telling you these things with the average woman in mind- there are always individuals who are exceptions to the rule, and also extreme cases to which all or some of this may not apply due to cases of horrible abuse, etc. but I have found in my own observations of other women and my own experience as a woman that these things for the most part are pretty solid. I have seen and heard time and time again since puberty "nice" guys who always seem to get crapped on by women- and most of the time, it is by women who are halfway decent. The ones who don't get crapped on usually go unnoticed by women, and that is painful for them as well. To throw salt in those wounds, the same women will fall at the feet and cater to every whim of a "bad" guy and even go an extra mile and a half for him- even married men generally can see that their women tend to have more crushes on "bad guy" personas, like in movies, music artists, etc. It is often understood that we are attracted to this for the adventure, the raciness, the taboo, etc. but I think I have a different take on it..... Men are told constantly that we women want men who are more in tune emotionally and verbal about it like we are, we want sensitivity, and so on and so on. Men have been told this and much more for so many years and this sorta goes along with the shift in our societies and cultures where women have wanted for many years to come out from under the "dominance" of men. What we now have in many instances and areas of life is seemingly equality..... yet as christians, we know that men and women are not and can never be equal- we are equal in value, but we are designed differently, intended for different roles, and when the two are brought together, perfectly compliment one another. This is something in our cultures that is not celebrated but denied- we women have come a long way, baby...... but in part we have gone a long way into denial..... and have dragged men with us. I look around and I see that a lot of men are no longer kicking and screaming as they are dragged, but the older ones hang limp with their heads down as they are dragged, and the younger ones willfully are led from a young age, now that they are growing up being "taught" by society that in our equality they are the weaker vessel and because of that are accepting of it and accomodate it. In our struggles for equality (which was not totally a horrible thing I will add, but I have many thoughts on this that are better for another thread), the impact of modern-day feminism on our cultures even our worldview, we women have wickedly hog-tied men, stepped into their roles (even spiritually), and have reduced them to nothing more than emotionally sensitive, teary-eyed, girlie men with no backbones. Even in christian marriages, churches, and relationships, it's the woman who really wears the pants..... and it is to a point where that is not funny anymore. Why women love bad guys: It is said time and time again, with the influence of modern psychology, that we are attracted to these bad guys because of many of our abused pasts, how we were raised, etc. and I won't deny these things have a huge impact. I do believe, however, that even the nicest, well-raised and balanced, "good" christian women have even slight attractions to these types of men (especially in movies) if they are honest enough to admit it. You see, we women don't like abuse, we really don't generally. But the balance that men should have is almost gone. What attracts most of us to these bad ones is simple: we say we don't, but deep down inside, we love a man that we cannot push around. You cannot push around, hog-tie, or twist the "bad" ones up like a pretzel with your every whim...... and way deep down inside, we love that! What ends up happening though, is that they are bad, and we get abused mentally or even physically. Yet we have the tendency to keep going back for more. We deny it, we whimper, whine, manipulate, and even scream that we want a nice man, but deep down inside what we want is a strong man who has a Godly balance between sensitivity (only in doses), and strength. Someone we cannot push around and walk all over- someone who deserves our respect. We want a confident man, a man who clearly has his limits, his boundaries- and someone not afraid to tell us "Nope" when he should.... and not change his mind! A protector, a provider, a shield. Someone who we cannot manipulate, a man who stands firm on his foundation, a stronger vessel...... someone worthy of respect. Oh, that is too sexy, man!!! I may fight you from time to time to make sure you are still on your toes, but you can have me for life, dude! Why women do not like nice men. As a woman who in her single days, even as a teenager, chewed up and spat out many a nice guy, I really didn't mean to! And I felt badly afterward for crushing the guys..... my mother would ream me for letting him go and for hurting him! So did my friends! (But between you and me, they were doing the same thing!). I, like so many other girls and women, could not figure out at the time why I was just not interested or attracted..... the only thing I could say was, "He's just, well......too nice." I hadn't a clue at the time, but hindsight is always 20/20. Why, r00bz? Why did you do that?! BECAUSE. Because they let me. Because I could. Even the best, nicest, "good" christian girl will do the same usually, but maybe not as blatantly. Why, you ask? Go and ask Eve! We have this desire in us, as we were created to be the "weaker" vessel, and that part of us truly does, as I said in the previous section, love that "stronger" vessel. We want that. It's in us to yearn for that, I believe! We were made for that! But we have this other thingie, too........ this thing which will always tend to want to usurp that role designated for men as the head of us. We women are craftier and more cunning creatures with many emotions, whims, ideas, and desires. We need someone to offset that in a relationship..... and if you are not solid and strong enough for that task, we may like you, but we will not truly respect you. And we will run all over you..... even in the most subtle of ways. It's in our nature. Go check out how Eve did it. Boy was that a doozy! And check out how Adam let her get to him. Go find what happened to Sampson. Interesting stuff. And every single woman on the face of the earth, as good as they want to be, has the capacity to do the same, as we are all equally human. Even christian women fall into it to a lesser more subtle degree, even though they may not want to. That temptation is always there. After you become married, your seemingly good christian home behind closed doors can easily be that your wife can reduce you to nothing more than a spiritually impotent nincompoop, unworthy of respect. What we don't like in nice men. We can't look up to you, or respect you half of the time. You are our shoulder to cry on, our friend, and you cry too much yourself! We don't really want that! That is what we have girlfriends and prayer for, silly! That is why when we meet you, we 'just wanna be friends." Forget what women have told you..... we are the emotional ones, we don't need you to be, too! We wanna see your emotions and your humanity only in doses. We don't want some dude who is like a chick. As I said, that is why we hang out with girlfriends! We don't need a dude friends who try to give us guilt trips because they are hurt. Every time we turn around they are there like a lost puppy going, 'Why do you like him, anyway? I'd give you the world, and you just wanna be friends. Blah blah blah." We can't admire or look up to that. It is almost pathetic. Quit doing that. We can't look up to someone who is always throwing himself at our mercies. We want a MAN. Do you cry at the drop of a hat? Well, DON'T. We say we wanna see that emotional side of you, but what we really mean is we want a balance- we only want that in small doses. I have been with my own husband for 7 years, and in that time, I have witnessed him breaking down and crying maybe 4 or 5 times- and 2 of those were at the births of our children. It is nice to be able to say that I have seen him in his weakest of moments, and I have seen him break down because of tragic, stressful, and even painful happenings and I was there to help him get back up...... but I am glad it has only been a handful of times. There is nothing worse that a man who cries more than I do. I am a woman with crazy hormones and raging emotions- it is my job to cry whenever I feel like it. That is what chicks do. Not dudes. Do you send a chick's girlfriends to go talk to her cuz you really wanna go out with her, and the writing is on the wall that she is not interested, or maybe she WAS halfway interested until you started bugging? This tell us you are desperate. And you think this will make us desperate for you and attracted to you how? It is only annoying and ego-building to a woman. Stop doing that. This will keep you in the category, "Men who I only want to be friends with" forever. It boils down to this: "nice" men generally tend to show hypersensitivity and chick-like emotion, they use chick guilt trip tactics, they show no ability to ever take the reigns and have control over much, they are not confident, they are weak-kneed and let women tie them in knots with ease, they are easily swayed and strung along, and easily taken advantage of. They act in many ways like chicks, although they may have very macho tendencies. As I told you before, many a nice guy I chewed up and spat out and never could realize at the time why........ but I did meet my match finally. You may have your own opinion about my marriage- it is not perfect by any means, and is not a model by which I would base everything, but one thing that attracted me to my husband was that he never let me run all over him. I was not a christian at the time, and we knew each other through friends, and I knew a lot about him by hearing things. We met at a (salsa) nightclub where we both went every friday and saturday night. He asked me to dance with him all the time and I did..... and then at the right moment when he thought he had me I purposely danced with others to drive him crazy with jealousy......only it never worked. I knew he liked me..... but unlike other men, when I would get up and do things like that, he showed no shock, no jealousy, no nothing. He acted like nothing and went over to his friends and would be having a good old time. I mean living it up! I'd be gettin down on the dance floor and look over, and he wouldn't even be looking at me. He was having his own fun...... it drove me crazy and made me really brainstorm for ideas. At this point in my life I had become a straight PLAYAH..... only it was not working suddenly. I did all sorts of stuff, played all sorts of games with him, and only rarely did I get a glimpse and see that it was working- cuz it really was not working. After a few weeks of this, he must have gotten tired of my game, because I was out on the dance floor, and he was unmoved as usual, and I saw the unthinkable: I saw him not even notice me and walk over to a girl sitting at a table and start talking to her. I had never seen him talk to a girl! I panicked..... but I didn't show it, I still had my pokerface on as did he. Luckily, the girl didn't give him the time of day...... but that was not the point! He was UNMOVED. He had asked me out on dates and I turned him down, I was playing him, making him really wanna date me BAD before I went out with him finally..... yet he remained unmoved by it. This had always been my tactic, and had never failed before..... I panicked inside and questioned what I was doing wrong. So when I saw him talking to another chick, I panicked.... and I remained at his side the rest of the night and only danced with him (latinos have this thing where if you like one you gotta only dance with him while you are there- they don't like that openness of cuttin a rug with whomever like Americans do), and I agreed to go out with him. I kept pulling little things here and there, testing the waters, seeing how much I could get away with.... and.......NOTHING. He was unmoved. If I stood him up to drive him crazy, he go have fun. He would not let me get to him at all.... and it made me panic inside that I could not pull him on a string. Every day he would want to see me or come over, and showed a lot of interest, but he was unmoved by my tactics. When I'd confront him about it to get an emotional reaction from him, he'd play dumb. I was trying to see if he cared that I'd stood him up.... and he played dumb every time and acted like it was no biggie, that he had other things to do and had a blast doing them. He had such a good pokerface at the time, that I had no idea it made him furious inside when I played games and he was insane with jealousy- but he knew my game and wasn't going to let me get by with it. He showed self-confidence, a strength, someone who was unmoved by emotion and manipulation, someone who had a life that did not revolve around me and my every silly whim.... yet he still showed me that he was interested, I still saw a glimpse of that, it was a motivator, so as not to frustrate me. This went on for a few months..... and he came over almost every day, we would sit around and talk until 4 am. I dug stuff out of him, serious issues, like memories from childhood, secrets, stuff like that. Chicks like those kinds of talks...... but the key is, I dug it out of him. And he let me dig it out, he didn't offer it up. I enjoyed digging it out...... and he enjoyed letting me think I was really the one doing it. What it was, was that he was not pouring his heart out,opening himself up and offering himself up on a platter like a chick. He let me have it and see it in small doses...... all in moderation, guys. He never nagged, whined, cried, or anything that nice guys do......at the same time, he never turned it around on me and played me right back..... but he put a halt in my game every time and had one insanely good pokerface. I eventually began to (all unconsciously of course) decide I better begin to start respecting him as a man........... or he might very well be gone ad for some reason, I would be sorry. Now you can look at what we have been through in these 7 years and not be envious..... we have had serious problems at times. But I cannot deny that what I have just described to you was the right thing to do if he wanted to be with me and didn't want to get stepped on. I was a true playah playah, and he beat my game by seeming to not play it. As I said, I was a player at the time, but even the bestest, nicest, goody-two-shoes girl has the tendency to want to mess with a dude's head. Most of the time we don't even realize we are doing it..... so I gave you myself as an extreme example. But you know what I am talking about- you nice guys get mixed signals all the time. So take what I have said and think about it..... and learn what your role is in life with regards to women. It is given to you by God, and He can help you balance it out so as not to be abusive, and not to be a doormat that a woman can wipe her feet on. Go read about women and men in the bible..... check out how Jezebel used subtle woman tactics to turn her man into a spiritual wimp. What we really need is a strong man who will one day lead us and our families, not a man we can manipulate, walk on, and crush. Be the solid, man of strength that God intended for you to be. I promise you...... it will drive the honeys crazy!

Angel of my Tears

How do you love a person
who never got to be,
or try to envision a face
you never got to see?
How do you mourn the death of one
who never got to live?
When there's nothing to feel good about
and nothing to forgive?
I love you, my little baby,
my companion of the night.
Wandering through my lonely hours,
beautiful and bright.
What does it mean to die before
you ever were born,
to live the lovely night of life
and never see the dawn?
Ah! My little baby,
you lived like anyone!
Life's a burst of joy and pain.
And then like yours, it's done.
I love you, my little baby,
just as if you'd lived for years.
No more, no less, I think of you,
the Angel of my tears.

Chinese Pot Stickers

Ingredients

1/2 pound ground pork
1/2 medium head cabbage, finely chopped
1 green onion, finely chopped
2 slices fresh ginger root, finely chopped
2 water chestnuts, drained and finely chopped
1 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon white sugar
1 teaspoon sesame oil
1 (14 ounce) package wonton wrappers
5 tablespoons vegetable oil
3/4 cup water
1 tablespoon chili oil
1 tablespoon soy sauce
1 teaspoon rice vinegar
Directions

Crumble pork into a large, deep skillet. Cook over medium high heat until evenly brown. Drain and set aside.
In a medium bowl, mix together the pork, cabbage, green onion, ginger, water chestnuts, salt, sugar and sesame oil. Chill in the refrigerator 6 to 8 hours, or overnight.
Place a tablespoon of the pork mixture into each of the wonton wrappers. Fold the wrappers, and seal the edges with a moistened fork.
In a large, deep skillet, heat 3 tablespoons vegetable oil over medium high heat. Place the pot stickers into the oil seam sides up. Heat 30 seconds to a minute. Pour water into the skillet. Gently boil 7 to 8 minutes, until oil and water begins to sizzle, then add remaining oil. When the bottoms begin to brown, remove pot stickers from heat.
In a small serving bowl, mix together the chili oil, soy sauce, and vinegar, adjusting proportions to taste.

Maternity Fashion Crisis

Caution! Fashion emergency ahead! You're about to enter a dreaded between-time of dressing for pregnancy: You're too big for your own clothes but not ready for maternity clothes. During the next few weeks, you may find yourself staring into your closet and scratching your head, wondering what to wear. That's no problem when you're hanging around at home in sweatpants and a T-shirt, but if you need to look good for work or social events, you'll have to find something else to wear.
Don't worry, this crisis won't last long. Before you know it, you'll be all decked out in maternity clothes. Until then consider these smart, transitional outfit ideas:
Buy a pair of pants and a skirt in the next size up. If you're a size 10, buy a 12. Because you'll be living in these clothes for a couple of weeks, choose a neutral color. That way you'll draw less attention to the fact that you're wearing the same skirt or slacks every day.
Wear loose tops that don't require tucking and sweaters that come to the hip. Draw attention away from your belly with a colorful scarf or trendy new necklace.
Dress in layers. Many women find that they feel warmer than usual during pregnancy. If you wear layers, you'll be able to peel off some of your clothing to cool yourself down.
Raid your partner's closet. He may have a shirt or sweater that's perfect for your new figure.
If you have to wear a skirt or dress, buy some maternity pantyhose. The tops are stretchy and will fit throughout your pregnancy.
Leave the belts in your closet. They'll squeeze your belly, and if you wear them with tucked-in tops, you'll draw attention to your thickening waistline.
Top off your outfit with a figure-hiding blazer or jacket.
Invest in a good pair of flat shoes. This is no time to be tottering around on high heels. Buy only a pair or two at this point because your feet may grow larger during your pregnancy.